Yes, this message is real. And no, I did not answer.
Along with online dating comes online communicating. When you are in a bar, men are less likely to come up and try some cheesy pick up line or tell you exactly what’s on their mind. But online, all caution is thrown to the wind.
The above message is only one of the many disturbing emails I have gotten. Where do I start? Does any guy seriously think that a girl is going to swoon over a proposal to be a fuck buddy, “I mean no disrespect”. That’s ironic because your assumption that I would be interested in that is pretty disrespectful. Luckily I don’t care and have a good sense of humor. But be warned men…there is that “REPORT” button and there are people not afraid to use it.
I actually found this to be one of the funniest emails I have ever gotten. As mentioned yesterday, this is the Black Swedish Sex Addict. The only reason I mention race is because until recently a black guy in Sweden was about as common as Polio (post 1962). When I think Scandinavian I picture a giant white guy with blond hair and blue eyes listening to bad techno (is there even good techno?). So that caught me off guard initially. But as I read on it only got better!
Boy does this guy have a way with words. Who wouldn’t want to kick it and have crazy times in and out of bed with a friend with benefit? Is there only one? Obviously not because I had already laughed and hadn’t even gotten to his description. Here’s where he put the hook in, “I’m fun, hung, and love to laugh”. Now I feel better. Because I wasn’t sure if I was going to go ahead and claim my benefit if he wasn’t hung. But then he throws me a curveball, “he doesn’t like to beat under the bush”. Was that a sexual innuendo? I don’t know if he was trying to be witty or is just kind of stupid. I’m going to err on the side of caution and go with dumb but let’s also add weird to the list! How did he manage to go from talking about sex and his penis to Scandinavian pastries??? Again, sexual innuendo? I guess he was coming with guns fully loaded. He had one chance and gave it all he got.
As disturbing and funny as this email is, you can tell this guy is not a dick. He at least has the courtesy to be upfront with what he wants. He’s also European so I’m attributing some of the weirdness to his culture. I’ve gotten emails that are just like, “You’re hot. Let’s get a hotel room now!” or “Honestly, do you like small penises?”. He at least had a story, some personality, and actually seemed genuine. My hat is off to you Black Swedish Sex Addict. You managed to do something creepy in the most honest and nicest way possible. I still don’t want to hook up with you but I have a little more respect for you.
Please tell me that other people get just as ridiculous emails? I would love to hear about them!
Silver lining: At least he didn’t ask If I wanted some Negerbollar which translates to Negro balls. (It’s a Swedish pastry…and actually goes by the more derogatory name in Sweden. Here’s a link so you can be reassured I’m not a racist: http://superblog2.blogspot.com/2005/01/nazi-chocolate-balls.html )
All this kinky pastry talk has gotten me hungry. Going to find myself some chocolate balls. Maybe I should have contacted him after all.
-The Big Baller Bev