WARNING: OVERSIZED LOAD AND EGO. THIS IMAGE MAY CAUSE BRAIN DAMAGE.
Who couldn’t resist a charmer like Johnny? With his ripped body, nut hugger tighty whities, and orange complexion it’s a wonder he’s 44 years old on a dating site. Not only does this Adonis have style, he has a killer personality and is ultra smooth with the ladies.
Yesterday I saw the notification that I had a message waiting from an admirer. I went to find out what this Don Juan wrote me. He certainly caught my attention.
If that doesn’t whisk a girl off her feet I don’t know what does. Oh wait, I do…anything else! I had to see what this guy was about. I checked out his profile and this message became even more ridiculous when I did some reconnaissance.
He likes monkeys, has great personal hygiene, and has one interest…tennis. I’m sure he almost went pro with that body and personality. Opportunities like this don’t come along very often so I made sure to take full advantage. I responded in the above message correspondence. I couldn’t have wished for a better response (below).
He responded, “You have extra mayo”. I’m not really sure what that’s supposed to mean but by my powers of deduction I assume he was hungry? His primitive nature was really attractive but I think a compatible mate might be a Chimp. The Chimp may be smarter but at least they’re on the same playing field. Maybe the monkey in the picture was his ex? I had my fun with him, but he was getting annoying and I am sure he was harassing others as well so I reported him. About an hour later I received this:
Is this Neanderthal serious? Did he really think a backhanded compliment was the best way to court a woman? Then on top of that, did he think adding insulting comments to try to make her feel self conscious and insecure was going to seal the deal? Newsflash genius: you just became the story that every girl will publicize as the worst attempt at dating.
I know I’m not the first and certainly not the last girl who will encounter this beast. I just wonder if anyone ever took the bait? My guess is no. But what puzzles me the most is why anyone would think that this approach would be a good idea. I’ll give him one thing. He did engage me but mostly because I needed new material for a blog that he has no idea I’m writing. Luckily I’m comfortable with myself but to other women who are on these sites, that can cause a serious case of low self esteem. And to that I say F*CK this guy.
This reminds me once again of my previous blog about men’s overcompensation and low self esteem, “He’s Just Not That Into Himself: A Guide To Men’s Overcompensation”. Clearly this guy has a screw loose among other things. His attempt to knock women down a peg is so that someone could be on his level. Unfortunately it would take a thousand pegs for anyone to be close. People like Johnny- those with a horrible personality, no respect for themselves (first picture featured), low IQ (who in their 40’s can’t spell sandwich), and no interests or ambition- bully people into being friends or dare I say romantic relationships. Surprisingly his classy approach doesn’t work well. He’d be a great addition to a trilogy of “The 44 Year Old Virgin”. He definitely has social issues, no game, and I would bet my right arm he has never gotten laid let alone kissed a girl. Maybe he’s just barking up the wrong tree? Beasteality exists for a reason and although commonly looked down upon, I think this might be the yellow brick road to his happiness.
I do have to thank him for actually raising my self esteem. If I ever feel sorry for myself, I just have to remember Johnny’s extremely pathetic existence and I will bounce back in no time. I am not going to bash him anymore because I’m starting to think he has some developmental delay, in addition to being an a**hole, since all his attempts were highly juvenile for someone his age.
If anyone is looking for a catch like this, Johnny’s “due” and has included his contact info. You better get in touch soon because that guy won’t be around for long. It’s a matter of time until he’s locked up behind bars, whether it is in prison or a zoo.
Thanks Johnny! It’s been a pleasure exposing you. Onto the next freak!